We all know how stressful these few days before leaving can be. This time I am testing a new attitude – let’s call it ‘Holy-Days Technique’.
I am writing this on a flight from London to Pisa (no worries, I am in aeroplane mode) and the other three members of my family are near me but in the next row. In this kind of aeroplane, there are only three places in each row, so either I or He could sit next to the kids. And this time, I silenced the squeaky voice inside my head, saying – you are the mother, you only know how to deal with the children in a potentially stressful situation, don’t lose control! – and ignored it. I took the separate seat.
It all started yesterday. I actually couldn’t sleep the night before, not because of the many things to do before a seven-week trip with two young children, but because of the thoughts of those things.
Yesterday I spent the day preparing and organizing and then when He came home after work, I let him do what was left. I was exhausted because of the lack of sleep and knew that what I had already done was my fair share. I knew if I kept going all night, I would be out of my mind from the stress.
I had put both children to bed and just fell asleep in my daughter’s bed. I felt the sleep coming, and I simply thought: it is ok to sleep. I have done enough. He will take care of everything now, I trust him and I feel safe.
He was surprised to see me, a notorious control freak, abandon any pretence of control. And then he was happy and did everything that still needed to be done, and he did it in his way and that was just perfect.
Sometimes we forget how important it is to let go and trust the people that are around us. Not imposing our ways and our expectations on everybody else. Actually, not even on ourselves!
In a relationship it can be destructive for one partner to constantly micromanage the other, showing a lack of trust. It could even be castrating.
So next time I find myself being over-active, over-controlling and anxious, I will just try and remind my Holy-Days Technique, take a deep breath and let go. Trust the universe.
If I want others to support me, if I want to be of support to others, I must first support myself.
All is well.